Dance Club

It's really really late here (actually read early) so this post may be incoherent and short...but I really did want to post about two things.

Firstly, I went to Dance Club today and we had 3 hours of rehearsals. I've agreed to perform with them next week in the Uni Bar! Arrrgh what was I thinking????? In fact, what is a fat slob like me, with coordination impaired by a genuine neurological disability, and years of underexercising and overeating to make up for doing in dance club anyway???!!! The answer is that my own ability differences are a cocktail of labels that make me impossible to box. I may be insecure, anxious, clumsy and forgetful...but I am also a nerdy valedictorian who has absolutely no qualms about making a fool of herself in public. I have no real sense of inhibition like other people. I think this is a real advantage to a certain extent. My motto is to never let embarrassment or social convention give you unnecessary trouble. It can be a very good one to have. However, it's a difficult motto to live by when you are also insecure. I know that won't make any sense to most of you, but I reckon there'll be a few people out there that will get it.

Anyway, our costume includes a skirt about half the length of any I have ever worn before...and I have to squeeeeeeeze into a medium size!!!! Or perhaps, rather, I have to stretch the medium into an extra large and spill out under and over it. I really want to look nice in the dance but I want to keep living one day at a time. For me I think that means no crazy diets seeking to lose 3kg in one week. But I really really want to go on one right now. I've planned a day tomorrow where food is pretty scarce. But I'm going to try and stay off the scales this week and not overexercise to the detriment of the rest of my life. (Yes I've been known to do that...it's a relatively recent manifestation of this disease...and it does have it's benefits...but not when you are exercising for 3 hours a day in exam week!)

I am really trying to get to our local face to face meeting. I know I'm really privileged to have one within travelling distance, but the only way at the moment is to ask my housemates to drive me all the way there and then wait for me, then drive me all the way back. So I've been trying to organise a lift with someone for whom it is on the way. I feel frustrated with the way my requests have been rebuffed. What happened to all that generous selflessness and sharing with strangers I've been reading about in the Big Book? On the other hand I feel like I am perhaps being rude and demanding. Why should I expect these people to help me? The thing is, if I were them I'd feel obligated to help. Perhaps the problem is with me and my perverted conception of service. I know that's screwed up. Ok bed time