21 May 2007

Forty Reasons to Fight for Freedom

Today I started answering the "Thirty Questions" on The Recovery Group website that are supposed to take you through steps one to three.
Question 1 a was:
Why do you need to stop overeating in your life right now?
I sat down to answer it and BOY was it an eye opener! They have example answers on the website and the answer to this first one was a paragraph. My answer was about 2 pages!!!! Anyway I'm going to blog a version of my answers in the form of a 40 reason list, so I can review it easily, and because other people might identify. I'm also interested in comments. I am well aware that some of these reasons are the "wrong reasons" but I'm just being honest about my motivations. I've organised them according to type of reason, but of course the types overlap:

Health reasons:
1. Both being overweight and bingeing severely exacerbate my gastric reflux
2. I didn't have sleep apnoea until I became obese and it robs me of my sleep, my money (to pay for my sleep machine) and dignity and convenience
3. I was born with a tendency towards generalised poor muscle tone. Being overweight and not exercising make this worse. It results in severe back pain, neck pain (and resulting migraines) and poor posture
4. I don't give my body proper nutrition when I am eating compulsively, instead I put junk into it that may actually harm it, and most likely exacerbates my tendencies to become moody, impulsive and hyperactive
5. My mental health is already precarious due to tendencies towards anxiety, depression and obsessive behaviour. When I am overeating I am only giving in to these tendencies and making them worse, instead of learning to channel them in productive ways.
6. Being overweight and unfit lowers my immune system
7. Being overweight and unfit puts me at greater risk of heart disease, diabetes and cancer
8. Being overweight and unfit reduces my energy levels

Cosmetic reasons:
9. I hate having a double chin
10. I hate having huge big flab hanging down from my arms
11.I hate having a pot belly
12. I hate having no bum to speak of, just massive thighs the size of pillars in a Greek temple
13. I hate having stretch marks all over my body when I'm just 22 and never been pregnant
14. When I am eating right my acne clears up
15. I still believe at times that when I lose weight I will be pretty
16. I want to enjoy being young and pretty
17. I want to get attention and affirmation from other people, especially boys, and to have them tell me I'm pretty
18. I want to be able to buy pretty clothes
Moral reasons:
19. Overeating is an act of greed and selfishness and on that basis alone it is wrong
20. When I overeat I harm the body that God has given me and that is wrong
21. My addiction robs me of time and health and causes me to spend the time and energy I do have on the wrong things, making me less useful to the world.
22. My addiction causes me to do other immoral things like pinching food from the people I live with.
23 The emotional consequences of overeating cause me to hurt others.
24. I want to please my boyfriend
25. My overeating sends a bad message to the people for whom I am a teacher and role model

Emotional reasons:
26. Overeating causes extreme guilt
27. Overeating causes self-hatred
28. Being overweight destroys my natural confidence and gregariousness and turns me into a shy person
29. Because I lack confidence in my appearance and feel guilt and self-hatred, I look to for validation in all the wrong places and end up with a skewed and fragile understanding of my own self-worth
30. Overeating gives me a low self-esteem
31 Being overweight makes me feel insecure
32. Overeating stops me from confronting my problems and emotions properly
33. There are many things which I no longer enjoy because I am freaked out by my weight
34. I already have difficulty with social skills due to other diseases, this just makes it even harder to overcome these problems

Practical reasons:
35. Overeating costs me a lot of money. Not only because I spend heaps on food, but because I withdraw from the world and completely ignore my bank statements
36. I don't have enough energy to do all the things I want to do anyway, without being overweight.
37. Lots of things I want to do require physical fitness, including playing sports with my friends , dancing and travelling on the cheap
38. Overeating, dieting, exercising and obsessing about food all take my time and energy away from getting things done
39. Insecurity and nervousness affect my ability to function to the best of my ability, turning me instead into a nervous fumbling wreck who forgets everything.
40. Pretty people are treated better by society.

Can you guys add more?

2 comments:

Walter and Laura said...

WOW-you have taken a great step...that was a lot of work to put into this question. Great job...and congrats on the loss. But I believe that thinking and responding to this question is an even bigger accomplishment.

:-)

Lauren said...

All of those reasons are valid because they are your thoughts and feelings. No matter societies rights and wrongs your reasons for doing this are your reasons. They will change over time as will you. But you are an amazing person and I hope you can believe that about yourself.