A bad zero

Well so much for my victory last night:( This morning I had 10 of those evil weetbix I wrote about before, and then the day hasn't gotten much better. I went to the uni bar tonight and bought a serve of pasta and a banana bread on top of the salad I already had to tide me over. It's not tooo bad i suppose, but it's still definitely beyond normal eating. Anyway I feel bad at the moment and I can't get into the meetings because the server at uni doesn't support those kind of things. I think this is a fairly negative blog because I always write here when I feel bad. But I guess people need to see that.
Weetbix, Pizza and Subway
Ok so not only did I have 10 weetbix, but I also had my normal porridge as well. Whoa that's insane. I really know what they mean about insane obsessive compulsive eating. It was so much like the compulsion to do other irrational things, just that constant nagging to binge. I just couldn't shake it. I got rid of it with the Pizza last night but it came back. The GOOD news (yes there is some) is that I have now thrown all my weetbix in the bin. My sponsor told me to get rid of them but I wasn't sure how that would go down with the people I live with. But it's done now. Ahhhh will I ever have abstinence? Why can't I do a simple thing like going without binging for more than 4 days?
Ok so here are the nutrition facts on Pizza, Weetbix and subway:
1. One slice of average Pizza Hut average-crust pizza:
*830kj or 200cal
*3 grams fat
*25grams carbohydrate

2. 1 subway 6 inch club sandwich:
* 1210kj or 290 cal
*5.4g fat
*41g carbohydrate

3. 2 weetbix (not including milk)
*492kj/120cal
*0.5g fat
*22g carbohydrate

4. 1 cup of skim milk
*360 kj or 86 cal
*0.4g fat
*11.9g carbohydrate

So...
1 subway 6 inch= 1.5 slices of Pizza (way to go me)
10 weetbix with milk= 6.5 slices of Pizza in terms of calories, and less than 2 in terms of fat

Weetbix seem like the stupidest food to binge on in history. But somebody said that with trigger foods you need to look at the ingredients rather than the foods themselves. When I think of it that way I can see that a bowl of weetbix contains lots and lots of my two favourite things: carbohydrate and dairy foods. But I don't know what that means in terms of eliminating triggers. Quite clearly I can't eliminate all carbohydrates and dairy foods. That would be unhealthy.

Other stuff
More good news is that I haven't had chocolate, another big trigger food for a while and I haven't had ice cream for a week or two.

I am also gradually learning to be powerless. The fact is that, as a younger compulsive eater, I like to think I can do it myself and it's easy to convince myself it's true. Sure I've tried diets etc on my own and they haven't worked. In fact nothing has worked for years. But I just don't have those extra 20 years of experience that other compulsive eaters have to draw on when they start to get cocky.